Calm down, Shawn!
by Adnacia
Summary: Shawn finds a death note. Oh, boy. He's the last person who needs that. So, what's he going to do with it? Get revenge of course! Kind of a Wrestling/Death Note crossover, but not totally. Full of crack. Some character death. Read at your own risk!


A/N: Do not take this seriously! This is full of crack and makes absolutely no sense. I would like to dedicate this to Nefatiri. We were talking after watching the Dark Knight and she said something about writing a story where someone in the WWE gets a death note, it just wasn't going to be Shawn. We then started talking about why Shawn did not need the death note and this is roughly what we came up with. And yes, I asked for her permission before writing this. And I love most of the wrestlers who are in this story. JBL is the exception. I hate him. And I don't own anything. I don't own the WWE. Vince McMahon does. I don't own Death Note. Someone who I don't feel like looking up does. If you want to know, go to wikipedia and type in Death Note. If you don't know what a death note is and the reason behind this story, wikipedia will help you with that also. Now enjoy!

* * *

"What is this?" Shawn asked himself.

He was walking to his car after the last pay per view. On the ground he noticed a black notebook that had DEATH NOTE written on the front. He leaned down to pick it up thinking that it was a regular notebook. He flipped it open and touched one of the pages. There was nothing written on the pages, but there were rules listed.

_1. The human whose name is written in this note shall die. _

_2. This note will not take effect unless the writer has the persons face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected. _

_3. If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the persons name, it will happen. _

_4. If the cause of death is not specified the person will simply die of a heart attack. _

_5. After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds. _

_6. This note shall become the property of the human world, once it touches the ground on (arrival in) the human world. _

_7. The owner of the note can recognize the image and voice of its original owner, i.e. a god of death. _

_8. The human who uses this note can neither go to Heaven nor Hell. _

_9. If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds after writing the cause of death will be a heart attack, the time of death can be manipulated, and the time can go into effect within 40 seconds after writing the name. _

_10. The human who touches the DEATH NOTE can recognize the image and voice of its original owner, a god of death, even if the human is not the owner of the note. _

_11. The conditions for death will not be realized unless it is physically possible for that human or it is reasonably assumed to be carried out by that human. _

_12. The specific scope of the condition for death is not known to the gods of death, either. So, you must examine and find out. _

_13. One page taken from the DEATH NOTE, or even a fragment of the page, contains the full effects of the note. _

_14. The instrument to write with can be anything, (e.g. cosmetics, blood, etc) as long as it can write directly onto the note and remains as legible letters. _

_15. Even the original owners of the DEATH NOTE, gods of death, do not know much about the note._

Shawn read over the rules and shrugged. He opened his car door and threw the note onto the passenger seat. There was no way that he was going to believe that crap. He got behind the wheel and shut the door. He quickly locked the doors and put his seatbelt on. He put the key in the ignition and cranked the car up. He looked up to see if his rearview mirror needed to be adjusted and let out a scream. There was a strange looking creature in his backseat. "W… Who…Who…What are you?" Shawn finally managed to stutter out.

"Ryuk. I'm a shinigami. Or a god of death." Ryuk replied.

Shawn looked down at his steering wheel and started chanting, "This is only a hallucination. This is only a hallucination, This is only a… Aaaahhhh!" He screamed when he glanced up during the middle of a chant and saw Ryuk peering at him through the windshield.

Ryuk grinned and said, "Let's go. And can you stop and get me some apples. It's been a long time since I've had apples."

"_Oookay. So this thing is real."_ Shawn thought to himself as he drove off, Ryuk still sitting on the hood of his car. Shawn stopped at a grocery store that was on the way to the hotel and bought a bag of apples. He finally reached the hotel and pulled into a parking spot. He thought of something to ask, "Can others see you?"

"Nope just you. Unless someone else touches the note." Ryuk said. He was almost giddy at the thought of finally getting some apples.

Shawn nodded and grabbed his bag and the death note which was quickly stuffed into the bag and the bag of apples. He checked into the hotel and got on the elevator. He was ready to get to his room to try the note out. He finally got to his room and through the bag on the bed. He grabbed the note and the hotel pen and propped himself up against the pillows.

"Now, who to start with?" He asked out loud.

He heard a loud crunch and looked over to see that Ryuk had gotten into the bag of apples. He shrugged his shoulders and went back to thinking. He finally got an idea. "I'll do away with everyone who has broken my heart!" He let out a maniacal laugh. He knew just who he was going to start with.

**Death**

It was the Monday after the pay per view and Shawn had a visitor backstage. "Shawn. It's good to see you." Marty Jannetty greeted his old partner.

"Hey, Marty! How are you?" Shawn greeted.

"Not so good. That's why I came here."

"Oh, what's wrong?" Shawn asked, concern in his voice.

"I'm dying. They say I only have weeks to live. It's some disease that the doctors don't know about. I found out today."

Shawn stood there appearing to be in shock. "That's terrible! But I'm glad that you came to tell me."

"I wasn't going to let you find out from some other person. I do owe you that at least. I mean, after I broke up with you and all."

"It's no problem." Shawn reassured him. "That's in the past so it's all good. Just try to concentrate on living out the rest of your life."

"I will. And stop by to see me if you're ever around."

"Alright. See you around." Shawn said as Marty turned around to walk off.

Shawn stood there watching, knowing what was about to happen. Marty managed to make it to the door that led to the parking lot before dropping to the floor. Cries of "Marty!" rose up as people rushed over to him. Shawn ran to his old partner and fell to his knees. He cradled Marty's head as he drew in his dying breath.

"Good bye, Marty." Shawn said as Marty Jannetty took his dying breath.

Someone took Marty from a seemingly broken hearted Shawn. Shawn slowly stood up and turned and walked to his locker room. Several people followed him and it was perfect. His plan was falling into place. As people tried to comfort him, he brushed them off. "I just need to be alone right now."

He was left alone. Just him, Ryuk, the death note, and a television set. That was all he needed. He would take care of the ones who had hurt him and caused him pain and misery throughout his years. Shawn turned the t.v. on and started watching the show that was going on just a few yards away. He heard Batista's music hit. He watched as Batista came out and did his entrance of shooting things as the pyro went off. Batista got into the ring and started talking about something. Shawn really did not care so he muted the t.v.

He quickly wrote Batista's name in the death note. Sixty seconds later, Batista grabbed his chest and fell down. He was dead. Dead as a doornail. Shawn started to laugh. He was getting his revenge. Some medics came out and removed Batista's body from the ring. The show continued because the show must go on.

Triple H was the next one out. "Oh, Hunter. You damn cheater!" Shawn shouted at the t.v. He wrote down Hunter's name and put the cause of death as choking on his water. Hunter got on the apron and turned around to spit his water. Shawn un-muted the t.v. Hunter leaned his head back and started gagging. He fell off the apron and someone in the front row jumped the barrier and started trying to help him. But nothing helped. Hunter was soon dead.

The camera panned the audience. They all had a look of confusion on their faces. But then again, two major superstars had died. The Undertaker was making a special appearance that night. He walked out with a couple of his demons. Shawn wrote down Taker's name as he muttered how he had left him for somebody younger. One of Taker's demons was holding a pike. That demon rammed the pike through Taker's heart and robbed the Dead Man of his life.

Jeff Hardy rushed out to his dead lover who still had the pike sticking out of his chest. He fell across Taker and started to sob. Shawn took advantage and wrote Jeff's name in the death note because Taker had left him for Jeff. Jeff died by the hand of the other demon sticking his pike through Jeff.

By now, bedlam had erupted in the arena. No one knew what was going on. All they knew was that people kept dying. Shawn wanted to carry on playing with the people he wanted revenge on, but he decided that he needed to get it over and done with. He wrote down Bret Hart's name. So what if Shawn had screwed him over in the ring. That had not given Bret the right to break up with him. Shawn then wrote Chris Jericho's name in the notebook and wrote the cause of death as hanging in Vince's office. The next name written was Vince McMahon. Shawn had no good reason except he just didn't like him. He would die in the bed of a prostitute. JBL was the last person he came to. He wrote down his name because he thought that he was to gross to live.

However, when Shawn came to John Cena, he couldn't bring himself to write down his name. He heard a knock at his door before it opened and Cena walked in. "Shawn, I know you are behind these deaths." Was all he said.

"How do you know that?" Shawn asked.

"I don't have concrete proof. It's just a feeling."

"Well, you're feelings are right." Shawn blurted out.

"The question I have is, well, I have more than one. How are you doing it? Why are you doing it? And when am I going to die?"

"I have a notebook. People have wronged me and I'm getting revenge. And you're not going to die?"

Cena nodded. "What kind of notebook?"

"A death note." Shawn said as he handed the notebook over. It was open so when Cena touched it he saw Ryuk. He was surprisingly more at ease with it than Shawn had been. Shawn quickly explained everything to Cena.

"Okay. So how about we get out of here?" Cena asked.

"Sure. So does this mean I can keep the death note?" Shawn asked as he and Cena left the arena arm in arm, which had to be done since Shawn was basically skipping, with Ryuk following them.

"Yes. Hell, it might come in use for us at some point when we rule the wrestling nation!" Cena said excitedly.

Shawn nodded as he and Cena set off to rule the wrestling nation.


End file.
